Chop Style: Put Your Goddamn Keys Away

This has gone on far too long, Baltimore.

We see a lot of people on a day to day basis. We notice things. Once we notice them enough, we start to form an opinion, and then we run and tell that to the internet. That’s how blogging works.

Of course, we’re not just now noticing that people wear keys on their belts. We did notice though, that of all the people we encounter in our travels around Baltimore, none of them happen to be motorcycle riders, jailers, janitors, building superintendents, boaters, or have any other practical reason to wear keys on their belts. We’ve also noticed that it’s 2011 for fuck’s sake!

How outdated is this keywear trend, really? Not only are belt clips actually marketed as “Hipster Key Rings”, but you know a trend should be well over when the designer version hits Urban Outfitters and sells for $18.00. Of course, the one in that link is on clearance, which indicates that even UO thinks this look is like… soooo 1999.

You might think this is handy, but as an adult it’s the functional equivalent to your mom pinning your mittens to your jacket. It makes you look like sort of a retard. If you carry a bag put your keys in there. If you don’t, put them in the pocket of your jeans. If your jeans are too tight to get them into the pocket comfortably, then for Christ’s sake get some jeans that fit.

We’re embarrassed for our fair city to see so many people still trying to rock this look. We’re putting you on notice Baltimore. It’s a rule now: no more keys on belts. We’re giving you until April to re-blog this on your tumblrs and get the word out on the street. After that we might have to start indiscriminately cutting belt loops. They don’t call us Chop for nothing.

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5 Comments

Filed under Chop Style

5 responses to “Chop Style: Put Your Goddamn Keys Away

  1. What say you about lanyards? Are they better or worse than keyrings? Around the neck? In the hand? I must know.

  2. adrien

    I hope you will give me a pass.
    In my opinion there is no better place to carry your keys.
    Have you ever sat on a protruding key?
    If you have a more than a house key, and a car key, they are not fitting comfortably in your front pocket.
    Lastly I just purchased a matching belt and lanyard from tanner goods to replace the lanyard I have had since 1999.

  3. sixteen tons

    Thank you Mr. Chop……..

  4. cameron

    I work in construction, and have to carry my car keys with me on the job. putting them in any of my pockets is a pain in the ass (literally) whenever i have to bend down or lay tarps. i have a chain to keep them from stabbing me in the legs, plus i have some keychains on the keys to make them easier to find so its bulky. i wear them on my pants too when i am not working because i feel more comfortable moving around without feeling that unnecessary bulk in my pocket. its not like you can hang wallets outside your pants, so i put up with that, but keys are practically made to be kept outside your pockets. they don’t design them to sit comfortably in ur pants. point being, its more practical to keep them outside your pockets then it is inside.

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