Tag Archives: Bi-weekly Political Roundup

Bi-Weekly Political Roundup: Pat Me Down Slowly, It Feels So Good Edition

Most people view Thanksgiving as a one day event focused around Turkey and trimmings. To these people we say “What the hell is the matter with you? You’re missing the point entirely!”

The truth of the matter is that Thanksgiving is a holiday that takes no less than three full days to observe properly. These three days highlight all the best of what it means to be an American, and with one of these elements missing, our 3 legged cultural stool would topple instantly. Thursday is of course all about food. Feasting is the order of the day, and failing to eat your weight in carbs is downright un-American. If Thursday is all about gluttony, then Friday is set aside for greed. We buy things because we want them; because they’re on sale, because we can.

Wednesday, however, is our favorite night of the three. It’s the night when people come home from wherever they’ve been and we all go out and drink. And what better place is there to drink tonight than the Laughing Pint with the Baltimore Chapter of Drinking Liberally?

Baltimore's Drinking Liberally chapter meets at the Laughing Pint tonight. 7 pm until... ?

And we may as well talk turkey, since with all the lame ducks around there’s not much happening in Washington these days. All that anyone in the media seems to want to report on lately is the TSA and their army of perverts who are groping our grandmas and molesting our mothers on a daily basis.

We’re truly sick of hearing stupid statements like “Well, it’s better than having a bomb on your plane.” or “Rape-iscan machines give you cancer!” or the dumbest of all “Well, if you don’t like it, just don’t fly. It’s that simple!” Would that it were, but the world is not just that simple, and life doesn’t work that way.

These searches may be awful, but hearing about them every day is as awful, and lasts a lot longer.

One thing we’re not sick of hearing about though is Good Time Charlie going to the well. We didn’t think much of the charges they stuck on Charlie Rangel. Apartments this and stationery that… none of it was really that scandalous. At the same time though, Rangel is an argument for term limits if there ever was one. Uncle Charlie is 80 years old now, and has just been elected easily to another term after 40 years in congress.

This guy is a product of an old Democratic machine system which, for the most part, doesn’t really exist anymore except in the deep down nitty-gritty old school neighborhoods of east coast cities, a perfect example of which is Harlem. Rangel doesn’t so much represent Harlem as he does lord over it in a kingly fashion. When he fianlly does fall over and die, rest assured that he will have hand-picked his successor for the next 50 years.

Don’t get it wrong, we like Charlie and his voting record okay, but we also don’t really like him much at all. He’s less venerable old statesman and more crazy old goat, and when he’s called to the well of the house and roundly chastised, you can believe the Chop will be tuning into C-Span on the big screen, popcorn in hand.

_____________________________________________________

Laughing Pint is located at 3531 Gough St. (corner of Conkling) in Highlandtown. (410) 342-6544

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Bi-Weekly Political Roundup

Bi-Weekly Political Roundup: Mega-Rich Cartoonish Super-Villain Edition

This week was the Solstice, which marked the longest day of the year. Today is the fourth Wednesday of the month, which marks the regular meeting of the Baltimore chapter of Drinking Liberally, an informal, open group of mostly 20- and 30- something Baltimoreans who gather twice a month to share pitchers of beer and talk politics at Joe Squared.

Joe Squared has always had several shelves stocked with more varieties of rum than you would ever expect from a pizza joint, but they’ve also recently rolled out a brand new rum cocktail menu for your enjoyment. While today might not be the longest day of the year, it is the third longest (we guess), so that means there will be plenty of bright warm daylight by which to drink rum on their outstanding patio.

Baltimore Drinking Liberally meets at Joe Squared tonight. 7 pm - ???

One’s got to be careful with rum though… unless you’re a seasoned British sailor it can really turn your stomach. Speaking of British sailors who turn our stomach, Tony Hayward simpered his way through an Energy and Commerce Committee hearing on Friday, abdicated all his responsibility (but not his job, title, or paycheck) on Saturday, and sailed his giant luxury racing yacht in a hoity-toity British yacht race on Sunday.

Were we the Admiralty, we’d have him hung from the gallows at low tide on the Thames. Seriously. We’d like to see him dead.

Equally galling in his cartoonish ultra-rich supervillain-ness is Rush Limbaugh, who (one week after paying Elton John $1,000,000 to sing at his wedding) said with a straight face that American children should eat out of dumpsters rather than receive free or reduced price meals at school.

We don’t know what Rush feeds faster… his fat ass or his drug habit. Either way, we’d like to see him choke on it. Rush is number two on the list of people we really, truly, honestly, swear-to-fucking-God want to see dead. Soon.

Since all good lists come in threes (or fives), we’re going to go ahead and say that Utah Attorney General Mark Shurtleff can drop dead as well. Shurtleff relished the chance to approve an execution by firing squad this week, and then saw fit to tweet about it immediately. What were his follow up tweets? A potshot calling death penalty opponents “whiners” and some cheerleading about college football. He can die and go straight to hell any time now.

* * *

In a rare bit of good news, we’re pleased to announce a grand discovery. The Chop is a great fan of snarky political blogging, and this week we got our first look at UNAMERICANA, which is a love letter to America. With Pictures. And Swearing. This new blog brings you all the dumbness of beltway politics you can handle with several posts a day. We suggest you do like we did; bookmark their site and follow them on Twitter.

__________________________________________________________

Drinking Liberally meets the second and fourth Wednesday of every month at 7 pm. Joe Squared is located at 133 w. North Ave. All the above opinions are that of the Baltimore Chop Blog, and not of Drinking Liberally, it’s Baltimore Chapter, Chapter members or Joe Squared.

Share

Leave a comment

Filed under Bi-Weekly Political Roundup

Bi-Weekly Political Roundup: We Say Fuck a Lot Edition.

Are you ready Baltimore? Are you ready for outdoor dining weather? The glory of al fresco dining (and drinking) is upon us in all its splendor. This time two weeks ago the Baltimore Chapter of Drinking Liberally took over most of the Patio at Joe Squared and kept the pitchers and political discourse flowing all night. If you weren’t there, you missed out. The good news is that if you did miss out, new faces are always welcome at tonight’s meeting at 7 pm.

Baltimore Drinking Liberally meets tonight at Joe Squared. 7 pm til ?

Are you ready now, Baltimore, for some of the most brilliant and insightful political commentary since Alexis de Tocqueville? Sike! This space is rapidly turning into a place where we just say fuck a lot and call people racists, and you know what? We’re okay with that. There’s still a lot of fucking racism in America, and a lot of it comes straight from the halls of power, and it’s not going away until it’s called out and confronted in a much larger forum than this insignificant blog.

There’s plenty of racism down in South Carolina, and sex appeal and good ol’ boys and Sarah Palin and everything else. Yawn. That shit’s so 2008. Frankly all the primaries that happened yesterday were pretty boring, despite the sex scandals in SC, the trading chickens for healthcare in NV, and the multi-millionaire vs. multi-millionaire battle in CA. Although we would have liked to see Blanche Lincoln get her ass handed to her for being a twat about healthcare reform.

We’re starting to see some fundraisers for oil cleanup pop up here and there. It feels strange to say, but we’re against them. The oil cleanup should not depend at all on the generosity of ordinary people or non-profits. This is not our oil that spilled and we didn’t fucking spill it. It belongs to BP, they fucked up, and they should pay every fucking dime of cleanup costs. We don’t think we’re alone in saying that we’d like to see the leak stopped entirely, all the oil cleaned up, and then BP go the way of Lehman Brothers and AIG.

BP should not fucking exist anymore on this earth.

Call it Socialism, but we won’t be satisfied until the Obama administration freezes and seizes the entirety of their assets. They love us about as much as Al Qaida does, and they’ve fucked us just as much, if not more.

Finally, if there’s one difference between Republicans and Democrats in this country, it seems to be that the GOP will stand up and try to defend, justify, or casually pass off racism, sex scandals, embezzlement or any number of other atrocious actions while the Democrats will gleefully throw anybody under the bus at the slightest provocation.

The Chop would like to personally take this opportunity to throw old crone Helen Thomas under the bus. Previously we had nothing but the highest respect for her, but her recent comments on Israel put her batshit-craziness right up there with William Donald Schaefer. She can pretty much die and go to hell any time now. On the other hand, it is kind of cool to be around for so long that you can say “Fuck it. I’m tired of hanging out with the president. Screw you all, I fucking quit. Effective immediately.” The Chop should be so lucky someday.

__________________________________________________________

Drinking Liberally meets the second and fourth Wednesday of every month at 7 pm. Joe Squared is located at 133 w. North Ave. All the above opinions are that of the Baltimore Chop Blog, and not of Drinking Liberally, it’s Baltimore Chapter, Chapter members or Joe Squared.

Share

Leave a comment

Filed under Bi-Weekly Political Roundup