Tag Archives: David Byrne

Chop Style: How to Wear Sunglasses

Okay, Baltimore. Friday night was New Year’s Eve. Saturday night was, well, Saturday night, yes? Time marches on and all of that. If you’re anything like us, your bar or beer fridge is down a few bottles, your liver is running only by sheer inertia, and your head is significantly poundier.

Whether you’re making a walk of shame, creeping out to brunch, or heading out to watch football, if you’ve got the grave misfortune of having to leave the house on a Sunday, especially a Sunday like today, you’re going to need sunglasses.

Aside from their hangover-shielding properties, sunglasses are especially crucial to Baltimore fashion because as anyone who’s lived here more than a week knows, you never look a motherfucker in the eye on the street. Nothing personal, it’s just not something we do.

Funny thing about sunglasses though; get it right, and you’ll draw a lot of looks. Get it wrong, and you’ll draw a lot of stares.

CORRECT:

David Byrne

Sure, they’re big. But they’re not too big. Sure they’re dark. But they’re not too dark. As long as the rest of your outfit is understated, these will always work.

CORRECT:

Frank Sinatra

When most people think of Sinatra, they think of suits and hats. There’s a lot of sun and swimming pools in Las Vegas though, and you don’t wear 3 pieces of wool poolside in July.

CORRECT:

Paul Newman

Find a bad photo of Paul Newman. Go ahead and try… we’ll wait.

INCORRECT:

Bono

It’s almost as if Bono made a conscious effort to become a total douchebag, then made a deliberate search to find the perfect douchebag accessory and make it his personal trademark. Well done, Bono. Truly well done. Those shades look very pretty with your precious little earrings and your black on black on black silk ensemble.

INCORRECT:

Michael Phelps

This look is bad enough to make Dolce & Gabbana turn straight. On the other hand, this is the perfect style to rock when you’re rolling up York Road in an Expedition with McDonald’s wrappers all over the floor, Young Jeezy blasting out the window, and an underage entourage drinking Coors Light in the backseat.

INCORRECT:

Luke Scott

For the record, the Chop is a Luke Scott hater from way back. Even before the recent birther nonsense we’ve been hating on his slumpiness at the plate and his dumpiness in the outfield, his penchant for praying in public and most of all, his sunglasses.

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Bi-Weekly Political Roundup: Problems That Won’t Go Away Edition

When we last spoke about politics, we told you that Arlen Specter was in deep electoral doo-doo. We were right, and fortunately for Pennsylvanians and good Democrats everywhere Old Man Arlen is a problem that is finally going to go away.

Tonight is the fourth Wednesday in May, and it’s once again time to head down to Joe Squared for the regular meeting of the Baltimore Chapter of Drinking Liberally.

Baltimore Drinking Liberally meets at Joe Squared tonight. 7 pm.

Unfortunately, there are too many problems in this country that aren’t going to just go away any time soon. Rand Paul will probably be going away in November, but that’s not nearly soon enough to suit the Chop. He’s been in the news all week for admitting on NPR that he loves FREEDOM! (Except when black people have it. He doesn’t love it so much then.) and subsequently appearing on Maddow and digging a hole deep enough to plant a burning cross in. Long story short? Rand Paul and the rest of the tea party are racist fucking assholes who do not understand how America works and belong in an Ayn Rand book club and NOT in elected office. It’s the perfect place for them, since their version of reality is entirely fictional anyway.

Another racist fucking asshole who’s not going away any time soon is Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio, who might literally be the worst person in American public life. When actual, no-shit real-life Nazis show up to support your events the problem isn’t whether or not you invited them, it’s that you’ve garnered a Nazi endorsement in the first place! We’ll see if that endorsement comes in handy in a possible run for governor.

If Arpaio had his way, he’d probably just round up all the brown people and throw them into the giant tarpit which is now where the Gulf of Mexico used to be. That’s another problem that’s not going away any time soon. (If that link doesn’t work today, here’s why.)

Finally, a hysterically funny problem that doesn’t seem to be going away is Republicans getting sued for stealing campaign songs. This time it’s Charlie Crist (who probably also will be going away in November) stealing from, and getting sued by MICA grad, Talking Head, and really good blogger David Byrne.

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Joe Squared is at 133 W. North Ave at the corner of Howard Street in Station North. Drinking Liberally meets on the 2nd and 4th Wednesday of each month and begins at 7 pm, but attendees are free to arrive whenever is convenient.

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