Tag Archives: Lazy People

The 10 Top Chops of 2010

Well, here we are at the end of the year. The holidays are well nigh and everyone is busy buying gifts, planning parties, eating, drinking, making merry, and of course, looking back and taking stock of the past year.

Yes, looking back and taking stock is one of America’s favorite holiday pastimes, as is screwing around and doing as little work as possible during the holiday season. Now is the time when magazines, TV shows, newspapers, and even bloggers get lazy and flood the world with top 10 lists rather than do any real writing. The Chop is no exception. We’re always trying to stay busy, and also always looking for a good way to fill the blog on a slow day when not much is happening. Like today.

Slowing the office to a crawl and not doing any real work is a holiday tradition in America.

So enjoy our choices for the top 10 non-event posts from our archives throughout our first 13 months or so of existence. And remember, we’re making all this up as we go along, so it can only get better.

10– The Best Bars to Visit After an Orioles Game at Camden Yards We name names on the best places to swill suds after an O’s game. See if your favorite spot made the list.

9–House Rules: How to Make a Polite Introduction It’s rude not to introduce your friends to one another, and not much better to do it half-assed. Here’s a simple guide to get it right every time.

8–Chop Style: Five Good Reasons to Wear a Blazer This Weekend We’re big on blazers and sport coats. You should be too. Here are five good reasons why.

7–The Chop Sorts Out Your Love Life There are some very specific and well-established rules to backing out of a date if you ever want to go on another one. This post explains them in detail. (Text messages are not okay after all…)

6–House Rules: The Chop Approves of Brunch More than a meal, brunch is a lifestyle choice, an institution, and a tradition. We approve of it highly.

5–Chop Style: Guide to Thrift Store Shopping: Part II The second in a two part series that will ensure you walk out of the thrift shop looking more stud and less dud.

4–House Rules: Puking in Public Discusses how to gracefully extract yourself with your dignity from that most ungraceful and undignified of situations.

3–Thoughts on Being a Grown-Up Punk If you’re not going to live fast and die young, you’ve got to do something with the rest of your life. Here’s how to be a 36 year old that your 16 year old self would respect, and maybe even like.

2–Chop Style: Rick Dempsey is the Worst-Dressed Man in Baltimore Our gentle send-up of a Baltimore hero who was a great catcher but perhaps not such a great dresser. Bonus: Look for the comment from Rick’s son, Christian Dempsey.

1–How to Stock a Home Bar, Part 2 Also the second of a 2 part series, this is our guide on how to build up a truly impressive home bar on even a modest income. We strive to avoid the pitfalls of most bar building advice, and give you a real strategy for building a bar you’ll be proud to show off and want to drink from every day.

There you have it Baltimore. The best of the best so far. Check those out if you missed them the first time around, and bookmark them if they’re already old favorites.

Happy Holidays, Choppers. Don’t work too hard, okay?

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Filed under A Day in the Life of the Chop

Decadent Chop

It’s sometimes strange living as a man of leisure. Its easy to fall out of sync with the rest of the world. When the rest of the city is hating Monday and wanting to pass out with fatigue at night, we’re restless and looking for fun. When its Friday rush hour and everyone else is cursing traffic and hitting happy hour, we’re doing Sunday chores like vacuuming. Tuesday is date night and Wednesday is social.

So it is with Saturday. We don’t know what you all are up to tonight, but we might, maybe, finally spend a rare night in. (Or we might holler at Egg Babies at the Ottobar, since we had an invite from a very old friend.)

This weekend ought to be a good one to stay home, now that we have the new bedroom set, which we really can’t get over… it feels like spending the night in a hotel every night, but a really nice hotel that we can’t usually afford. We’ve even got the armchair and ottomans set up in the bay window along with the new flatscreen, and we’re buying curtains today as well. Tres chic.

The blogosphere takes the weekend off too. You’re not even reading this, apparently. We’re still new at this. We didn’t know it. No one told us. But we figured it out last weekend, and since Roommate is way better at buying DVD’s than we are, we’ve got no shortage of stuff waiting to be watched. Up in the Air, 500 Days of Summer, 30 Rock, Mad Men, and The Wire. Yeah, the Chop hasn’t actually seen any of those. Stop mocking. While y’all were watching TV, we were traveling the world and painting the town. It’s time for us to catch up.

So we’re gonna fire up the DVD player, run by the Wine Source, and figure out what to do with all these vegetables we’re buying this morning at the Waverly Farmers’ Market.

Sounds nice for a change.

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This Is Why You Don’t Deserve A Raise.

As you’re beginning to figure out, The Baltimore Chop is always on top of its game. We do what the hell we say we’re going to do, and when we say we’ll do it. Of course, our timing is always impeccable, and our attention to detail unimpeachable.

So we’re very disappointed when others fail to meet their obligations. We’re not one to lose our cool, but we are highly vexed by those of you (and you know goddamn well who you are) who wait until Friday afternoon to contact the parties with whom you do business, and say in effect:

‘Oh, remember that thing you were depending on me for? Well, I didn’t get around to it, and I need something else from you, and by the way I’m already mentally checked out since I’m leaving the office early today and going away for the weekend and probably taking a ‘personal day’ on Monday.’

This is entirely unacceptable. Don’t do this.

It seems the Chop has been running into these sort of people Every Friday since about the beginning of the recession, when everyone basically stopped caring and was paralyzed by fear. This Friday in particular, its the sales staff at Value City Furniture in White Marsh, who failed to deliver the sofa we had ordered. Normally this would be a mere minor detail, except that the Chop had already arranged for the Louisville Slugger to come all the way from the New York City this weekend, and we had offered him a couch on which to sleep. We won’t have our friends laid out on hardwood floors.

In related news, the Chop had a second date tonight with a very charming young lady whose father had the ill-manners and poor timing to have himself a small heart attack or some such thing, and managed to land himself in a Pennsylvania hospital. Needless to say the date is canceled, and probably wouldn’t be much fun if it happened under those circumstances anyway. We wish our (very remotely possibly) future father in law a quick and comfortable convalescence.

So while we’re tempted to do the call-around, The Chop is going to take this as a good excuse for some quality ass-to-seat time in our new armchairs (which actually were delivered), and probably make our way into Hampden for Bar Bacon Comedy IX at the Golden West.

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Bar Bacon IX is at the Golden West tonight. 10pm. $7.

The Chop feels like we might well be behind the curve having let eight of these things go by, especially since we’ve heard nothing but good things. Jimmy “Valentine” Meyer even won a Best of Baltimore award for best comedy night, although the competition probably wasn’t all that stiff. Still and all, that’s even more reason to respect and support something like Bar Bacon. Any asshole can pick up a guitar and form a band, but there are far too few people willing to try their hand at comedy, and to give it the treatment deserved by the serious art form that it is. So the Chop is excited to finally hear the Bacon for ourselves, and we hope Meyer will keep cracking wise for a good long time, inspiring others to do likewise.

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Filed under Baltimore Events, Comedy