Tag Archives: Orioles

The Ten Most Hated People in Baltimore

For all the reputation this city carries nationwide as being rough or gritty, we don’t exactly pour on the hatred the way we pour Natty Boh. Living in a place like Charm City, you learn to put up with a lot, and Baltimoreans sometimes even exercise more patience than we ought to.

There are a few people though who have raised the ire of enough Baltimoreans to be truly hated. If we were still living up to our Mobtown nickname, and if there were any justice in the world, these ten people would have been rode out of town on a rail long ago. Some of them actually were. Five of these ten have been convicted of crimes, and four have served or are serving jail time.

This is the impression that Michael Steele gives the nation of Maryland politics.

10. Michael Steele. The last time he was in town, Michael Steele lost a debate, and got caught out playing the victim and making up race-baiting stories. Steele is mostly an ineffectual horse’s ass, and hasn’t done any real damage to anyone, but his rise to national prominence as RNC chair and now as an analyst for MSNBC have given him ample opportunities to make Maryland look bad nationally, and that is unforgivable.

9. Patricia Jessamy. Pat Jessamy may not actually be hated but she’s definitely not very well liked. It never mattered whether you were her employee, a defendant, the police, or just a conscious citizen, no one liked Pat Jessamy, yet she was able to keep her job a very, very, very long time.

8. Ed Norris. Ed Norris came from the great grand city of New York to save us from ourselves. He didn’t. Ed Norris stole $20,000 in public money. Ed Norris used that public money he stole to buy nice things for his mistresses. Ed Norris used city cops as his own bodyguards and gofers. Ed Norris was a tax cheat and a perpetrator of mortgage fraud. Ed Norris went to jail for 6 months, and his reward for all this is his own radio show and many product endorsements. Perhaps what bothers us most is how few people this bothers. Fuck Ed Norris.

Peter Angelos is definitely one of Baltimore's most hated men. Unfortunately, there was no room left on this list for Rafael Palmeiro.

7. Peter Angelos. Peter Angelos would probably be very well liked and admired if he didn’t own a baseball team. Unfortunately, he does own a baseball team. Whether it’s raising ticket prices and fees annually, hiring clowns like Sammy Sosa and Dave Trembley, or actively encouraging the arrival of out-of-town fans, Angelos seems to revel in his status as one of Baltimore’s most hated men.

6. Sheila Dixon. Nobody particularly liked Sheila Dixon before she stole gift cards from poor children and threw in a sleazy sex and contracts scandal for good measure. It took her just over a year as mayor to go from ‘vaguely unpopular’ to ‘downright disgusting.’ At least she has the good sense not to show her face publicly anymore.

When Hons are outlawed, only outlaws will be Hons.

5. Denise Whiting. A lot of people never cared much for Denise Whiting, either. We’ve always preferred dining at local restaurants that don’t condescend to to us. Not content with being corny, tacky, and generally disliked though, Whiting embraced full-on hatred when she trademarked imagery which was mostly stolen from John Waters anyway, then got huffy in the media and threatened to sue a bunch of people. She’s getting even huffier now that Honfest is upon us, and is doing her level best to nurture resentment wherever she can.

4. Bob Irsay. We’re being very careful in ordering this list. Although you could conduct any number of polls asking “Who’s the most hated man in Baltimore?” and have Bob Irsay come in #1 every time, we cannot in good conscience rate him higher than third. Considering who the top three are, we just can’t do it. Sorry. Irsay will have to settle for being number 4 on the list.

20 Years in prison. Keep Snitching.

3. Ronnie Thomas. Rodney (Ronnie) “Skinny Suge” Thomas is best known as the man (and we use that term very loosely) behind the 2004 Stop Snitching DVD that circulated the streets of Baltimore and brought the city much unwanted national attention as a result. Suge typifies just about everything that’s wrong with our city, and his lifestyle and philosophy are every bit as ugly as his pockmarked, toothless face. The 20 year sentence in federal prison he received wasn’t enough in our opinion.

2. Milton Tillman Jr. Drug dealers should be hated on principle, but there are so many other great reasons to hate the Tillmans. Not satisfied with having a bad name as a dealer, Milton Tillman also went a long way toward giving bad names to the bail bond industry, longshoremen, and landlords. If you’re new in town and have never heard of 2008’s citizen of the year, the FBI and Justice Department will be happy to catch you up to speed.

This was unforgivable.

1. Darrell Brooks. Darrell Brooks is a horrible person. He took some matches and some gasoline and killed seven good people. He did it because they were good people. Anyone who lived here in 2002 will never forget the Dawson Family murders, and most will never forgive Darrell Brooks. We never will.

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It Could Be Worse: Out of Town Fans Invade Camden Yards Part III

On the occasion of back-to-back homestands with the Yankees and Red Sox last month, we imagined what it would be like if the unbalanced schedule were set up differently. With a few rule changes and a little business savvy, it’s possible that any team in the majors could bombard us with bandwagon fans in the future.

The first part of this series focused on the Tigers, Diamondbacks, and Giants. the second post was devoted entirely to the Phillies and their terrible, terrible fans. Tonight the Yankees are back in town, and here at the Chophouse we’re counting our blessings. It could be so much worse…

When the Blue Jays fans arrive en masse, it'll be death by snu-snu for all of us. (Click for larger.)

The Toronto Blue Jays. It’s true, we’ve already got an unbalanced schedule against the division-rival Blue Jays, but as it it now they don’t bring very many fans with them. Sure, it’s annoying as hell having to stand through O Canada right here in the birthplace of the Star Spangled Banner, but that’s a mere two minute trifle. The Jays aren’t currently good enough to attract any fans to Rogers Center, let alone Baltimore.

A few Ontarians did come through Baltimore recently, and they weren’t afraid to admit that they were having a damned hard time holding their liquor. This was funny to us, as the reason was that Canadian bartenders pour on the metric system. Unfortunately, it also seems to be a trend among Jays fans. The last thing we need in this city is a bunch of hapless lush Canadians blundering up and down the streets drunk on that godawful Canadian Club, looking in vain for the nearest Tim Horton’s and muttering ‘sorry aboooot that’ in their stupor.

They’d make great targets of opportunity for us Baltimoreans, who are always on the lookout for nonplussed crime victims, except that they don’t carry real money, just coins with loons on them. The Chop was already stuck with too much English money, and the last thing we need is a night in Central Booking with nothing more than a few more pictures of the Queen to show for it.

Ultimately though, it wouldn’t be the threat of robbery or assault that would quell any Torontonian invasion, but pure, old fashioned butt-hurt. If you should find yourself down at Cross Street Market or Pratt Street Ale House listening to someone from TO boast in that familiar New York way about High Finance, Multiculturalism, Free Healthcare, or the Maple Leafs, all you’ve really got to do to shut them up is look them dead in the eye and say “What’s that? I wasn’t listening because I’m an American and I could care less about your dumb city.”

A wave of Hogtowners wouldn’t be all bad though. After all, we wouldn’t mind seeing a parade of several thousand sluts marching up Eutaw Street in Stilettos and red lipstick slutting it up and defending their right to be slutty. If the internet is anything to go by, Toronto is full of beautiful women whose priorities include sex toys and bikini waxing. The old rule still stands, right? Any slutting you do while you’re out of the country doesn’t really count, eh? We don’t mind if they’re rooting for the BJ’s, as long as they’re giving them out after the game as well.

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All kidding aside, Slutwalk Toronto is a great event and a cause that we’re fully on board with. Please take a second to check out their website, http://www.slutwalktoronto.com/

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It Could Be Worse: Out of Town Fans Invade Camden Yards Part II

The last time the Red Sox were in town, we pointed out in a post that while having our city and our stadium flooded with Massholes and Jersey Mooks is certainly unpleasant, it could indeed be very much worse. This week, although their fans are safely back at home, the O’s are in Boston for a two game set, and that means it’s time for another edition of It Could Be Worse!

If, hypothetically, there were to be a shakeup in the league, we could be seeing the O’s play an unbalanced schedule against any team in the MLB, and between Southwest’s cheap flights, chartered trips for groups, and bandwagon fans, we could be facing invasions of a much different character.

You can feel free to tase a Philly fan. They're all too drunk to really feel it anyway.

The Philadelphia Phillies. Thank the little Baby Jesus that it’s DC who has to deal with these douchebags and not us. Phillies fans were recently named the worst in all of sports by GQ, and with good reason. In Baltimore, we don’t tailgate baseball. We have our drinks in a nearby bar, like gentlemen should. If we played the Phillies we’d be overrun by an epidemic of public drunkenness. There’d not be a single lot or garage downtown that didn’t reek of piss and skunked Yuengling, strewn with empty cases and crushed green glass. You see, you’ve got to drink a lot if you’re going to intentionally use vomit as a weapon against an 11 year old girl.

As you can see from the picture in that link, Philly fans are wont to soak up all that booze with some of the worst food on the planet. To them, the four food groups are chopped steak, fried onions, greasy rolls, and Cheese Whiz. The cheesesteaks are just the appetizers though. Over the course of a 9 inning game, these slobs will pile in Italian cold cuts, soft pretzels, a ton of Tastykakes, macaroni, stromboli, and whatever else they can get their greasy hands on. Whole sections of Camden Yards would need to close for repairs after each series, as the seats just aren’t designed to hold that much weight.

Perhaps the worst part of playing the Phillies though would be having to put up with the ESPN broadcasts. Philly is right up there with Boston and New York in being ESPN darlings, and they’ve hosted two Sunday Night Baseball broadcasts in the last three weeks, as well as Monday and Wednesday Night Baseball this week. Dan Shulman, Orel Hershiser and Bobby Valentine are all annoying blowhards who are more interested in hearing themselves chatter than actually calling plays in the game. Last Sunday’s broadcast was unwatchable, with cutaway shots after every pitch, heaps of praise on superstar players whether they perform or not, and footage of the fucking mascot while there’s a hitter in the box. They even missed showing a home run on the first pitch of an inning, because they were too busy talking about John Kruk stuffing his fat face with a cheesesteak or something equally dumb and unimportant. If they ever try to bring that shit to Baltimore, we say let’s turn them away at the city line.

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It Could Be Worse: Out of Town Fans Invade Camden Yards

The Orioles are about to wrap up a three game homestand tonight against division rivals the Boston Red Sox. These games have come right on the heels of a rain-shortened weekend series against the Yankees, and at this point in the eyes of most Baltimoreans, the scoreboard is almost irrelevant; we’re just happy to have all of these assholes clearing out of our city.

We’ve long been fatigued these many losing seasons by fans from Boston and New York trotting out the worst of their stereotypes in downtown Baltimore. The New Yorkers really are all arrogant douchebags with pepperoni breath and an undeserved superiority complex, fit for the Jersey Shore. The Bostonians are actually, to a man, a bunch of dumb, racist, fake-Irish loudmouth drunks. (It’s not their fault though, they were all molested by priests as children.)

But stop and think for a moment… it could be worse! With BWI being a hub for Southwest Airlines, fans from all over the country can fly here cheaply. Now that that dumbfuck of a commissioner is talking about expanding the playoffs, we could be only a few short years away from a league-wide schedule shakeup. In the modern game, geography matters little, and profit margins matter much. Imagine if we had some new divisional rivals with whom to contend…

Tiger fans give the phrase 'Dem Bums' a whole new meaning.

The Detroit Tigers. In the future, the Tigers will continue to exist, but only as the gypsies of baseball. The city of Detroit can’t support them much longer, and it’s only a matter of time before the MLB schedules them for 162 road games and 0 home games. It’s just as well, since the millions of people who used to live in Eastern Michigan are now scattered across the nation. They used to all camp in the Silverdome, until it was sold for about the same price as an inner harbor waterfront condo. Of course, none of them have jobs, so if we were divisioned with the Tigers, downtown Baltimore would become a functioning hobo camp every time they came to town. Parking wouldn’t be a problem, since they’d all arrive on boxcars, but going to and from the game would find each intersection crowded with innumerable Orange and Navy “squeegee men” and unkempt former Detroiters with signs that read “Will build Buicks for food.”

Hide ya kids, Hide ya wife. Diamondbacks fans are coming to town.

The Arizona Diamondbacks. Fans from other states on the east coast may be annoying, but at the end of the day they’re all sensible Democrats. There’s some common ground there. Arizonans on the other hand, are craaa-zzzy. They’re the worst kind of crazy, the armed and dangerous right wing kind. You wouldn’t be able to get past Fell’s Point without some racist vigilante stopping you on Eastern Avenue and saying “Papers Please.” Jowly old men will raise their arms no more than halfway up when home run balls “clear the danged fence.” And of course, there’s always the possibility of some lunatic being denied an autograph and going on a shooting spree at City Hall Plaza mumbling about how the Orioles are a ‘genocide ballclub.’

The Giants have the most fashionable fans in baseball. This is all official MLB merchandise.

The San Francisco Giants. An unbalanced home schedule against the Giants would be a decidedly mixed blessing. On the downside, all Baltimore could potentially turn into a classic South Park episode with a citywide smug alert. The JFX would be bumper to bumper with Priuses, and AT&T’s data network would suffer serious disruptions with that many fans staring at Brian Wilson’s dumb beard on their iPhones and iPads simultaneously instead of actually watching the game. What’s more, those hippies would do more digging through our trash than the Tiger fans, except that they’d be looking for compostables and recyclables instead of, you know, dinner.

On the bright side, all those gays would make Baltimore much more fabulous. Pink Giants caps are an entirely different fashion statement than pink Sox caps. Instead of Jeter and A-Rod gear, the vendors on Pratt Street would start hawking hats from Alexander McQueen and jerseys by Tom Ford. Lady Gaga would sing the national anthem before the game, and in the top of the third inning there would be a mad dash up Eutaw Street for the curtain call at the Hippodrome. Plus, Luke Scott would probably hate it. That’s always a plus in our book.

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Orioles vs. Twins @ Camden Yards Tonight

Tonight is the first Tuesday bargain night of the season, so we’re going to be watching tonight’s game as God intended- in the stands with the die hards. Now that the ball club sucks again, we happily predict that the fairweather types and the school aged kids will be staying home.

A trip to the Yard is always a good time, but honestly, we’ve had more fun watching this last road trip from the upper deck. That is to say… the upper deck of our house. The Chophouse features two decks off the back of it, with an exterior door and a window in the rear bedroom. We couldn’t say what’s taken us so long, but we’ve recently discovered that we can easily move our little office flatscreen to the desk and face it out the window, enabling us to sit on the deck and watch the game in the warm weather with our feet up on the windowsill. Land of Pleasant Living indeed!

And while we’re out there, we’ve been indulging in our favorite summertime old-man drinking snack: pickled eggs.

Pickled eggs... the Chop's favorite baseball snack.

Time was, pickled eggs were as popular a drinking snack as wings and fries are today. No tavern was complete without an egg jar, and pickled eggs were thought to complement beer as well as pretzels or peanuts. Times have changed, and beer has changed (much for the better), but when the weather gets hot and we’re looking toward a light, simple lager or pilsner, we’re also looking toward the egg jar.

When most people think of pickled eggs, they immediately imagine purple ones with a ton of beets thrown in. In fact, there are dozens upon dozens of different recipes to use for pickling eggs. Here’s the one that we favor at home:

The Chop’s Pickled Egg Recipe

  • 12 boiled eggs, peeled
  • 1 1/2 cups apple cider vinegar
  • 1/2 cup water
  • 2 tbls minced garlic
  • 1 tbls salt
  • 1 tsp seasoned salt
  • 1 tsp dried onion or onion powder
  • 1 tsp black pepper
  • Combine everything except the eggs and stir well. Heat brine if desired. Place the eggs in a jar with a tight sealing lid and pour the brine over them. Wait 4-5 days.

    You may be scratching your head or turning up your nose now, but bookmark this post anyway. A week from now when you’ve got a few dozen leftover Easter eggs cluttering up your fridge, it just might come in handy.

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    Opening Day 2011 @ Camden Yards Today

    We hate to naysay.

    Oh wait… no we don’t. We do it all the time. Like right now when we say that the Orioles will not break 70 wins again this year. We’re not one of these fancy schmancy analytical sabermetric blogs, so we’ll just give it to you in a nutshell. Aside from having Buck Showalter and a new coaching staff for a whole season (Thank Christ no more Terry Crowley), we don’t think the team is much better off than they were last year.

    Unfortunately, we can't muster this much enthusiasm just yet.

    We like JJ Hardy. We’d like to see him stick around for several years. We think he might be the first decent acquisition since Adam Jones. We can’t say that about anyone else. Mark Reynolds? He’s not much more than a second Luke Scott. Vlad? Vlad is a better signing than Sammy Sosa was, but that’s not saying much. Kevin Gregg? We shall see. Derek Lee? Sure, anyone’s an upgrade over Garrett Atkins, but we fail to see how he’s any better than, say, Kevin Millar. He’s not better than Aubrey Huff, who is now the proud owner of a World Series ring.

    We went to opening day last year. We forgot how un-fun baseball can be when there are 40,000 fairweather fans making huge lines in the men’s room and standing between us and the beer concessions. As we write this, the current forecast is for a high of 54° and cloudy with a slight chance of rain. You can have it. We’re going to head down to the neighborhood bar, have a few pints and lunch on the bar. We’ll make it out to the Yard when it warms up a bit.

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    A Week’s Worth of Things to do… Tonight!

    The general idea here at the Baltimore Chop is that we blog about the things we do when we go out at night. We pick a thing to do, and then basically tell why it’s worth doing. Some nights we have to go looking for something to do. Some night’s we’re lucky enough to have two events to split the evening. Tonight, there are no less that five things going on that we’d love to do, and that we think you should do too.

    So we’re not going to pick one to recommend, but instead lay out the options and let the people of Baltimore decide for themselves. Wherever you end up, have fun and don’t get fooled.

    Mike Watt and the Missingmen play the Ottobar tonight. 10 pm.

    So, it’s not really for real Opening Day yet, but the first official game of the Orioles’ season will be broadcast from Saint Petersburg against the Rays at 7:10 tonight. Go get a Boh and watch it.

    Mike Watt and the Missingmen play the Ottobar with Red Sammy and Northernmost. 10 pm/All Ages.

    The Pains of Being Pure at Heart are on the mainstage at the Black Cat with Twin Shadow, although this show sold out well in advance.

    Sick Sick Birds are back to playing shows again, and will be at CCAS with Unwelcome Guests, Aspiga, Pipe Smoking Rabbits and Dead End Lane. 7:00 doors.

    Finally, DC’s Supreme Commander plays the Sidebar tonight with Common enemy, Honkey Kong, Nervous Impulse, and the Mandroids. Supreme Commander sounds exactly like the best of Dag Nasty. 8 pm doors.

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