Bi-Weekly Political Roundup: Weiner’s COCK Edition

Today is the second Wednesday of the month, and as usual Progressives of all stripes will be gathering on the patio of Joe Squared to swap stories, talk politics, and drink beers at the regular meeting of the Baltimore Chapter of Drinking Liberally.

Meetings start at 7 pm and are open to anyone who wishes to attend. Just look for the table with the red, white, and blue bottle and introduce yourself.

Baltimore's Drinking Liberally meets at Joe Squared tonight. 7 pm.

Of course, the topic of Weiner’s wiener is bound to come up, but we’ve been tired of that pun for at least two weeks. We’re going to insist on calling it Weiner’s COCK if we have to talk about it at all. Come on… that’s how people talk anyway. When’s the last time anybody sent a wiener pic? No one ever has. People send cock pics. Weiner sent a picture of his cock.

As far as where that leaves us now… well, we still think Andrew Breitbart is a sleazy, sensationalist, predatory asshole. He just happened to be right, the same way a broken clock will be twice a day. It’s safe to say that we won’t be seeing much more of Weiner on programs like Maddow and sites like Twitter. He’ll be going about his job much more quietly from now on. As to whether or not he gets to keep his seat, that’s up to the voters to decide, but we’re thinking he does. As we pointed out two weeks ago, sex scandals happen all the time now, and you’ve got to be pretty sleazy these days to seriously raise eyebrows. We don’t think that being a horny 16 year old who just got his first Myspace page will ultimately prove that destructive to the distinguished gentleman from New York.

In non-Weiner’s cock related news, this is also a good day to talk about who will be the next mayor of Baltimore. SRB, Otis Rolley, Jody Landers, and Catherine Pugh are all officially in, and with 98 days left until the election, it’s not out of the question that Kweisi Mfume, Carl Stokes, Andre Bundley or some other dark horse candidate could throw his or her hat in the ring. Like 99% of the city, we haven’t even pretended to pay much attention at this point, but any one of those names is a huge step up from one of the most hated people in Baltimore, Sheila Dixon.

Being mayor of Baltimore is a really hard fucking job and honestly, we’re surprised that even that many people would want to do it. With more than one candidate that we’d actually consider voting for already in the race, we feel like we’ve already won.

Bi-Weekly Political Roundup: More Sex Scandals Edition

Well, the forecast for this week has not been good. It may not be Joplin-esque, and we may be a whiny pussy of a blogger for complaining about it, but we’re getting sick of rain. To hell with rain. Seriously. We want to do outdoorsy things, like go to festivals and swing golf clubs and most especially, enjoy the outdoor seating at Joe Squared tonight during the regular meeting of the Baltimore Chapter of Drinking Liberally.

Hell, we might even like to walk there, you know? At any rate, we want to stay dry long enough to gossip about political sexytime. As you know, these things come in threes, and so there must be one more shoe soon to drop.

Baltimore's Drinking Liberally meets at Joe Squared tonight. 7 pm.

The news recently has been dominated by the sex scandals of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Dominique Strauss-Kahn. The GOP primary field is as boring as can be, and the Rapture was never a real story anyway, so sex and storms and sexstorms are all we’ve been getting lately. It’s all sort of boring, really. Most natural disasters all look similarly horrible on the news, and we’ve had so many sex scandals in recent years that you’ve got to try pretty damn hard to top Eliot ‘Raw Dog’ Spitzer, Mark ‘Appalachian Trail’ Sanford or Ted ‘I-only-tried-meth-once-and-just-asked-him-to-jerk-me-off’ Haggard.

As far as Schwarzenegger goes, we LOL all day long. Arnie oversaw the bankrupting of California, and now Maria Shriver is going to oversee the bankrupting of Arnold. Fair Enough. Most politicians leave office to ‘spend more time with their families,’ and we guess Arnie is no exception.

DSK, on the other hand, deserves not just jail, but a few good jailhouse soap-drops of his own.

Here is a man who claims to be a Socialist, but was more or less in charge of all the money in the world. We don’t know of many true Socialists who favor $3000 per night hotels, although the hotel itself is just the tip of the iceberg. You can believe that real Socialists aren’t staying in such luxury when they gather by the hundreds of thousands to protest the IMF and WorldBank meetings. They aren’t arriving at those meetings in limousines either. They’re marching together, as Brothers and Sisters should.

The thing about Socialism though, the thing that its detractors can’t quite wrap their fat heads around is that at the end of the day Socialism is about Equality. It’s not about tax rates or countries of origin or business regulations. It’s about respecting the rights of Workers, and respecting the Workers as human beings. Socialism is about protecting and elevating those among us in the lowest station, not dragging down anyone else.

Strauss-Kahn has made a habit of preying on precisely those in the lowest station. Time after time, and in this case especially, he has shown a plutocratic hubris and a sense of entitlement which would be disgusting in any man. As far as we’re concerned this is not a sex scandal of any sort, but is in fact a case of sexual assault and attempted rape. These are violent and serious crimes, and are unforgivable no matter who the assailant or the victim may be.

We expect that American justice will be served in this case, and we’re glad of it. This crime was not just a brutal and personal attack against an innocent woman, an American, and a Worker, it was an act of class warfare, and we regard it as such.

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Drinking Liberally meetings are held on the second and fourth Wednesdays of each month. They’re free to attend and open to anyone interested in progressive politics or causes. The opinions expressed above are those of the Baltimore Chop blog, and are not sanctioned by Living Liberally, Drinking Liberally, or its Baltimore Chapter.

Bi-Weekly Political Roundup: Government Shutdown Averted Edition

We’re heading down to Midtown Yacht Club tonight to drink beer and talk politics in the regular bi-weekly meeting of the Baltimore Chapter of Drinking Liberally.

Midtown has been a nice spot for us all winter, but we couldn’t be happier to hear that the group will soon be moving back to Joe Squared, with their awesome outdoor seating patio and rum selection, for our summer session. If you’re as excited about outdoor drinking as we are, feel free to drop by and say hello. The group’s table is open to all.

Drinking Liberally meets at Midtown Yacht Club tonight. 7 pm.

Since the last time we met, we came “this close” to having a government shutdown. Of course, a government shutdown isn’t like a rainstorm or a lunar eclipse… it’s not something that just happens. Someone is to blame, and in this case that someone is House Republicans.

This fight we just watched was not about the budget. No one really knows how to fix the budget, although the grown ups in the room do know that there is no magic bullet and you can’t cut your way to prosperity. No, this fight and the disaster it nearly caused was entirely about Planned Parenthood’s right to exist. It shocked us that not one single media personality was smart enough or brave enough to identify what was happening and say it in plain English. Some came close, but no one came right out and elucidated the Republicans’ strategy.

Right wingers and Evangelicals in this country hate Planned Parenthood. It’s not just that they hate abortions, and it doesn’t matter to them that not a nickel of federal money goes to fund abortions… they hate PP, and view the entire organization as an enemy to be destroyed by any means necessary.

The GOP doesn’t have any problem with cancer screenings or birth control or pap smears as some on the left have suggested. But if you cut out the funding that PP receives for those services, the organization will at best be reduced to a shell of what it is now, and may even be forced to fold as ACORN was when they lost federal funding.

If women’s health services and women’s actual lives have to be sacrificed to meet those ends, then so be it… the Right doesn’t give a fuck.

Of course, the past is prologue and now that this fight is over, the next one is going to be even worse. The debt ceiling fight will have people going through the roof.

And on top of that, we won’t have Glenn Beck to kick around anymore.

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Midtown yacht Club is at 15 E Center Street in Mount Vernon. Look for the table with the red, white, and blue bottle.

Bi-Weekly Political Roundup: Holiday Edition

It may be very near Christmas, with everyone taking off from work, and being preoccupied with , uuh, Holiday Cheer, but the country is still facing major issues, and the important work of barstool punditry does not cease. Baltimore’s Drinking Liberally chapter will be meeting as scheduled tonight at the Laughing Pint.

Firstly, we’d like to say thank the little baby Jesus that most of that War on Christmas nonsense is well buried beneath a mountain of yellow snow where it belongs. Those fuckers at Fox have tried to sneak in a few War on Christmas stories this month, but for the most part they fall on deaf ears these days. Better than that, they all sound pretty ridiculous at this point.

Drinking Liberally meetings are open to all. 7 pm.

Secondly, we’d like to point out that every year some asshole congressman in the leadership (from either party, either house) likes to make a big blustery show of saying something along the lines of “I don’t care if we have to extend the session all the way through Christmas night, we’re going to stay in Washington and get this bill passed for the American people.” And every year it’s bullshit. Congress will always vote itself pay raises, always be in the business of pork barrel politics, and always always always take a nice vacation at Christmas.

We don’t even have a problem with any of this. It’s all fine by us. It’s the way the world works. But for Christ’s sake don’t insult people by pretending it’s not. We’d love to see congress in session through Christmas. For any reason. We’d eat that shit up like fruitcake and gingerbread. To hell with the yule log, at next year’s party we want to see a miserable John Boehner gavel his way through an all-night floor debate- preferably on some intriguing, fascinating, crucially important legislation like which font should be used in the Federal Register.

Finally, the biggest story this week, and one of the biggest of the year is the end of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. We watched it live on TV and all we could think of was “Jesus H. Christ was that so fucking hard?” Seriously, was that really so fucking difficult to do? It wasn’t. Giving people basic human rights, dignity and respect is as easy as a bunch of guys sitting in a room pushing a button marked ‘yea.’ The whole thing is over quickly and quietly and the country is better off than it was an hour ago.

We still don’t know what the hell took so long, but all things considered we’re going to miss this congress. It was fun while it lasted, and at the end of the day we’re a lot better off than we were two years ago. It’s been nice seeing laws get passed and business get done, but we’re not holding our breath for any more of that in the next session.

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Laughing Pint is located at 3531 Gough St. in Highlandtown.

Bi-Weekly Political Roundup: Everyone Is Still Pissed Edition

Got to admit… We weren’t too impressed with that Monument lighting this year. It was freezing. It was packed. It was so much puppets and choir music. It was also pretty anti-climactic, as those sorts of things usually are.

For those of you looking to come to Mount Vernon and be just as festive (read: tipsy) indoors and without the crowds, we’d encourage you to come by the Midtown Yacht Club tonight for the regular meeting of the Baltimore Chapter of Drinking Liberally.

Baltimore's Drinking Liberally chapter meets at Midtown Yacht Club tonight. 7 pm.

When we were in the Middle East last summer, the Chop and everyone with us basically spent a long, hot Ramadan complaining about the concept of the month-long holiday. Of course, Christmas isn’t much better as it’s now transformed into a full-on 40 day circle-jerk. It’s strange to watch the world around us grind to a halt just because there’s one day of gift-giving and family time at the end of the month, but that’s what’s happening nonetheless.

People may not be shopping as obsessively as they used to, and there may not be as much phony-baloney Jesus guilt as there once was, but nothing is getting done regardless. Everyone we know is pretty much giving over the entire month to social obligations and high calorie, high fat comfort food, as well as getting excited for the sake of being excited.

This is as true in DC as it is anywhere, and you can count on nothing being accomplished by either side until at least State of the Union time.

In the meantime, everyone is still pissed. People who are pissed at Wikileaks are on a witch hunt for Julian Assange, while his supporters are pissed that they’re pissed.

The Democrats (including the Chop) are pissed that Obama is going to give away billions of dollars to people who already have billions of dollars.

The gays are pissed that they do not have equal rights, and if the president continues to act like a pussy, they won’t any time soon.

And the Republicans are pissed that even though they’re about to be in power in the House, they still have to lead their lonely, empty, stupid, meaningless, hypocritical lives.

So come on down to Midtown and have a pint of good seasonal ale. It really helps to take the edge off.

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Midtown yacht Club is at 15 E Center Street in Mount Vernon. Look for the table with the red, white, and blue bottle.

The Perfect Wine for Thanksgiving: Tawny Port

You’ve all probably figured out by now that the Chop really likes our liquor. We’ll always embrace the chance to try something new or compare two whiskies side by side. What you may not have realized though is that we also like wine quite a bit.

The difference between lies in the fact that while we harbor some nerdy, snobbish tendencies about liquor, we’re not at all picky about wine. We fall squarely into the 15% of consumers who are ‘Savvy Shoppers’ on Constellation Brands’ six types of wine drinkers list. If it costs $10 and doesn’t smell like vinegar, odds are we’ve gone home with it at some point. (But enough about our sex life…)

A visual approximation of the Chop's Thanksgiving dinner.

So when a wine magazine editor writing for the Huffington Post recently called Thanksgiving “the clusterfuck of wine holidays” we were inclined to agree.

The Chop has a very large extended family. For thanksgiving we traditionally pay a visit to our singularly Republican aunt and uncle who are enthusiastic wine cellar-ers and have been for many years. In typical selfish, undemocratic GOP fashion though, they keep most of the cellar locked up, and buy a bunch of crappy Vendange or Turning Leaf for the family, thinking we don’t know the difference. No matter. Picking and pairing wines for thanksgiving dinner really can be more trouble than it’s worth.

So when you’re standing around the wine shop this week, wondering what bottle to bring as a gift or which will make the best digestif, we’d like to plant this thought in your head: Thanksgiving is the best day of the year for drinking Port.

All of the best drinkers throughout history have embraced Portos. From kings and noblemen to oenophilic tastemakers to the fathers of Maryland to hobos and winos, and of course, the Chop, anyone who knows wine knows it’s better when it’s fortified. With the perfect mix of lightness and body, fruit and oak, and caramel and spice, a good tawny Port is the perfect choice for a tipple after a feast of yams and turkey. It even pairs sublimely with pumpkin pie and whipped cream.

The bottle in our rack right now is the Sandeman 10 year old. We picked this out from among the large and varied selection of Portos at the Wine Source for about $25. To our mind Sandeman is roughly the Johnnie Walker of Portugal, from their wide range of Portos and a consistent quality near the bottom of their line, right down to their exporting machine and the shadowy figure in the logo. That’s not a knock. We’ve got nothing but love for Johnnie Black, and we’d recommend keeping both the Walker and the Sandeman on hand for the holidays, and all the year round.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Bi-Weekly Political Roundup: Democrats We Hate Edition

It’s about to get interesting folks. The midterm elections are a mere three weeks away, and with the gross injustice of the Citizens United decision in full effect, the RNC and Karl Rove along with his secret billionaire friends are about to start slinging mud faster and more furiously than any of us have ever seen mud slung. Believe it.

So what’s a good old-fashioned, dyed-in-the-wool Baltimore progressive to do? Show up and sling a little mud of your own. Or better yet, sling a few pitchers of Dogfish Head with the Baltimore Chapter of Drinking Liberally at Joe Squared tonight.

Baltimore Drinking Liberally meets at Joe Squared tonight. 7 pm - ???

To a regular reader of these roundups, it may appear that the Chop is little more than a hopeless cheerleader for the Democrats. This is not so. At the end of the day, we’re really only lukewarm on the Dems. It’s our true, white-hot, pure unvarnished hatred for the Republican party which keeps us riding the Donkey. After all, way back when we voted in our first presidential election, even then we weren’t stupid enough to waste a vote on Nader.

In any year, there are going to be some Dems we love, and some we don’t. This year though, there seems to be quite a few we don’t love. In fact, there are some races out there in which we’d go so far as to outright endorse the Republican. This may seem an extraordinary measure, but the candidates mentioned below are extraordinarily terrible.

Richard Blumenthal has been running around Connecticut using the phrase “when I served in Vietnam”. Problem is, he never did serve in Vietnam, but was in a cushy stateside reserve post instead. He has yet to admit that he’s a bald-faced liar, and his apologies for ‘misspeaking’ fall flat and ring hollow. As tired as we are of the politics of Vietnam, this is beyond the pale and unforgivable, and Blumenthal has no place in the US senate or in any other position of public trust.

Alvin Greene is retarded. He’s literally retarded. We’re only surprised that no one has yet exposed Greene as the practical joke that his candidacy is. It’s still a mystery where the hell he came from, and how in the world he managed to secure the Democratic nomination. Better choices than Greene for senator include; a golden retriever, a man in a banana suit, a magic 8-ball, and of course, a Republican. As much as we hate Jim DeMint, we’ll breathe a little sigh of relief when he’s reelected with 99.9% of the vote.

Blanche Lincoln made us very angry on healthcare. Blanche Lincoln is making us very angry on EFCA. Blanche Lincoln pretty much makes us angry every time we hear her name. We’re getting really sick and tired of the Democratic leadership trying to whip 60 votes by kissing these conservative blue dog asses. We’d rather lose that seat all together than try to plan legislative strategy based on what a few hicks in Arkansas are likely to approve of in an opinion poll. To hell with Blanche Lincoln.

There’s a few more with whom we’re really not impressed who don’t merit mention here. If the Democrats are going to be losing seats anyway, we say now is the perfect time for a little house cleaning. Take Minnesota as an example: sometimes you’ve got to lose a seat to a sniveling shit like Norm Coleman in order to ultimately fill it with a true-blue progressive like Senator Al Franken.

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Drinking Liberally meets the second and fourth Wednesday of every month at 7 pm. Joe Squared is located at 133 w. North Ave. All the above opinions are that of the Baltimore Chop Blog, and not of Drinking Liberally, it’s Baltimore Chapter, Chapter members or Joe Squared.

Bi-Weekly Political Roundup: Problems That Won’t Go Away Edition

When we last spoke about politics, we told you that Arlen Specter was in deep electoral doo-doo. We were right, and fortunately for Pennsylvanians and good Democrats everywhere Old Man Arlen is a problem that is finally going to go away.

Tonight is the fourth Wednesday in May, and it’s once again time to head down to Joe Squared for the regular meeting of the Baltimore Chapter of Drinking Liberally.

Baltimore Drinking Liberally meets at Joe Squared tonight. 7 pm.

Unfortunately, there are too many problems in this country that aren’t going to just go away any time soon. Rand Paul will probably be going away in November, but that’s not nearly soon enough to suit the Chop. He’s been in the news all week for admitting on NPR that he loves FREEDOM! (Except when black people have it. He doesn’t love it so much then.) and subsequently appearing on Maddow and digging a hole deep enough to plant a burning cross in. Long story short? Rand Paul and the rest of the tea party are racist fucking assholes who do not understand how America works and belong in an Ayn Rand book club and NOT in elected office. It’s the perfect place for them, since their version of reality is entirely fictional anyway.

Another racist fucking asshole who’s not going away any time soon is Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio, who might literally be the worst person in American public life. When actual, no-shit real-life Nazis show up to support your events the problem isn’t whether or not you invited them, it’s that you’ve garnered a Nazi endorsement in the first place! We’ll see if that endorsement comes in handy in a possible run for governor.

If Arpaio had his way, he’d probably just round up all the brown people and throw them into the giant tarpit which is now where the Gulf of Mexico used to be. That’s another problem that’s not going away any time soon. (If that link doesn’t work today, here’s why.)

Finally, a hysterically funny problem that doesn’t seem to be going away is Republicans getting sued for stealing campaign songs. This time it’s Charlie Crist (who probably also will be going away in November) stealing from, and getting sued by MICA grad, Talking Head, and really good blogger David Byrne.

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Joe Squared is at 133 W. North Ave at the corner of Howard Street in Station North. Drinking Liberally meets on the 2nd and 4th Wednesday of each month and begins at 7 pm, but attendees are free to arrive whenever is convenient.